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LINKS 🏠 Home 🎵 My Songs ⚠️ ANTI-MW ZONE SITE VISITORS: 0042069
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FREAKY TYSONOFFICIAL SITE★ MAYO HQ ★ CHAOS CENTRAL[ UNDER CONSTRUCTION — HAS ALWAYS BEEN UNDER CONSTRUCTION — WILL NEVER NOT BE UNDER CONSTRUCTION ] 🚧🏗️ 🚧
ABOUT ME!!!!!!!Hi!!!!!!! My name is FREAKY TYSON and this is my website. I am an Erotic God of Absurdist Chaos and a Prophet of Mayonnaise and I have been alive for a very long time making the world a better, creamier place. I believe every mouth deserves mayo. I believe every jar deserves to be opened. I believe every fridge deserves to be stocked withHellman's Classic and NOT with Miracle Whip (DO NOT BRING THAT INTO MY HOME). I also enjoy: NBA Benchwarmers (the overlooked, the forgotten, the BEAUTIFUL), Stained Glass (it is beautiful and anyone who harms it is my enemy), RPG gaming, and the occasional research chemical. * I am always erect. I consider this my default state and it brings me no shame. * 🎵 SONG OF THE WEEK: MAYONNAISE 🎵by Freaky Tyson (me) — my greatest work — please listen respectfully urhee, urhee, URHEE!!!!!! its freaky tyson coming back at you with another banger. this ones about my favorite condiment! from my last song, you might think that condiment is mayo, but guess what, you're wrong!HA, just kidding, did you fall for it? it actually is mayo. Lets experience the joy of mayo together! Skreeeeeeeeeeee! Mayo for you, mayo for me, i like it in a jar, or in a squeeze bottle, ...wait..what is that you said? you like miracle whip? YOU LIKE MIRACLE WHIP!??! WELL I HAVE SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU THEN. THIS IS MY BASEMENT, AND THIS IS WHERE YOU WILL BE LIVING FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! I'M GONNA CHAIN YOU TO THE WALL AND BEAT YOU WITHIN AN INCH OF YOUR LIFE YOU BOTTOM FEEDING SCUM-FUCK! MIRACLE WHIP SUCKS But its okay, because I know how to fix someone like you..... Thats right! All it takes is a spoon and a jar of Hellman's Classic Mayonnaise! Do you understand now, you're going to learn to love mayo, one full spoonful at a time. And if one jar isn't enough, then well, I've got plenty more in the fridge! MAYO MAYO MAYO MAYO MAYO Oh my mayo, isn't it nice? Its not just a food, it can cure head lice... And yes indeed, it is great for your complexion... And hey! Whats that hole between your butt cheeks? Mind if i fill it full of mayo? oh don't worry about that ill use a turkey baster to make sure it gets in as deep as possible! MAYO MAYO MAYO MAYO MAYO Dear diary, I'm in my bed now, cuddling with my favorite jar of mayo! He took a little bit of convincing to become mayonnaise, but once you go mayo, you never go awayo! I'm going to fall asleep now! Good night! Love u ⚠️ OFFICIAL MIRACLE WHIP WARNING ZONE⚠️IF YOU ARRIVED AT THIS PAGE WHILE CURRENTLY IN POSSESSION OF MIRACLE WHIP, I NEED YOU TO STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND THROW IT AWAY. NOT IN YOUR TRASH. OUTSIDE. IN A DUMPSTER. FAR FROM YOUR HOME. Miracle Whip contains no real eggs. It has no soul. It is TANGY for NO DISCERNIBLE REASON. It calls itself a "dressing" because it KNOWS it is not worthy of the name mayonnaise. Hellman's Classic contains eggs, oil, vinegar. That is three ingredients. That is perfection. God made mayonnaise on the fourth day and then rested because he knew the work was done. I BELIEVE ISRAEL HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE PROLIFERATION OF MIRACLE WHIP. I AM NOT ELABORATING FURTHER ON THIS PAGE. EMAIL ME. 🏀 BENCHWARMER OF THE WEEK 🏀CHRIS GATLING Two-time All-Star. Played for approximately nine different franchises. Had extremely serious calves and the face of a man who understood something fundamental about the universe that none of the starters around him could comprehend. He did not need the spotlight. The spotlight was unworthy of him. I think about Chris Gatling sometimes when I am eating mayonnaise at3am and I feel less alone. [ This section updates when the spirit moves me ] PAST HONOREES: this space intentionally left blank because every benchwarmer deserves their own week and we have been at this since 2003 ★ PROUD MEMBER OF THE FOLLOWING WEBRINGS ★ [MAYO WEBRING ] — [ ANTI-MIRACLE WHIP ALLIANCE PORTAL ] — [ NBA BENCHWARMER APPRECIATION SOCIETY ] — [ STERN-SILVER DISCIPLES HUB ] — [ EROTIC CHAOS DEITY NETWORK ] — [ STAINED GLASS PRESERVATION RING ] ✍️ Please sign myGUESTBOOK! I read every entry personally and respond to all of them. Last Updated: July 2026 | Est. 2003 | Coded with Microsoft FrontPage, raw fury, and two jars of Hellman's | No gnomes allowed on this page |